I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink
Everyone was talking, having laughs, having fun
You looked at me and yet I gave no smile, no wink
You came next to me to get a beer and it's where it all begun

I later gave you a ride and we laughed and we joked
Most of what you said was to get me provoked
Finally I said "you are my type" at the base of your door
This is when you saw that there were no jokes anymore

The next day I was walking down the street hoping to see you
As I walked around, you were right in my view
I stopped in front of you and you seemed displeased
But then you saw who I was and then you looked pleased

We talked for a while and you left me with a kiss on the cheek
I will not lie, after that, my body felt weak
We both looked at each other and left with a smile
We thought we wouldn't see each other, but it was only for a while

We later shared a taxi which gave a surprisingly romantic ride
We walked to my car where I still couldn't bring myself to decide
"Should I kiss her? Should I let it go and forget? what should I do"
As we talked to each other, I lost all sense and leaned in to kiss you

That's how it all began, but even then I was unsure
I had been hurt so much before that I did not know if I could endure
But I took a chance and kept seeing you because I though it would be true
You confused me with your actions, but still my feelings grew

Finally, it seemed like we might both be on the same track
But in the end it seems that for only a moment the same path we shared
And now again, with no shell, I need to build it back
Hoping that one day... You'll realize that I too...was scared

Pretty old, but whatever.

CRIMSON TEARS

The fight has already begun
I keep getting up, but all hope is gone
My body feels heavy and my arms won't rise
This is the end, I must say my goodbyes

The crimson fist hits my left eye
It hurts so much I feel I will die

My eyebrow is cut and blood pours down
Blood down my face like a stream of crimson tears
Blood in my nose I think I will drown
The crimson red fist, again it appears

I look at my hands that are now crimson red
I throw a punch, but it feels like I hit lead
Hit again, my body falls to the ground
I try to get up, but no hope can be found
I'm fighting alone no reason to go on
I hear my name in the distance, new hope is drawn

I try to get up while crimson tears run through my face
I need to get up; I need to see who called my name
I see her now and I feel out of place
I feel the cold in my heart where once there was a flame

Tears flow from my eyes and they too are crimson red
Why did I get up? I should just drop dead
She calls my name and says not to give up and lose
I see her and the aching love that I want to refuse
I can't give up, I need to win!
My arms go up I summon the strength from within

My crimson red fists hit where I aim
As my punches land I can hear her call my name
My fighting spirit is back, my love as well
If I win will she come back? I cannot tell
I can only fight and hope for the best
I feel my heart pounding inside my chest
It yearns for victory and it yearns for love
I can have victory with the help of my crimson red glove
Can I have love if I win this fight?
Maybe not, but I can't give up of that I am right!

I win my fight and I see her no more
I see images that we shared before
It's not over; never will it end our story
For now I find solace with this crimson glory!

I decided to learn how to play a chrono trigger song.

here goes.

.
/* */

So I just deactivated my facebook account. I don't know for how long, but it'll be like that for a while. I just wonder how long I can last.

Most important of all, I wonder if anyone will notice that I'm gone... hmmm... =/

I hate everyone! Everyone is fucking out to get me! UGH! Everyone is just a back stabbing bastard! AAAAHHH!!!!

I need hit something right about now! ARGH!

Life. Life? Life... How can you explain this thing called 'Life'? How can all the experiences you have be contained in this single word called 'Life'? If you were asked to explain what Life is, how would you do it? How would you put it in words? Would it be something positive? Negative? Or just neutral? Well, here's what I have to say about Life.

Life is the compilation of all your experiences. Many of these can be bad, but the ones you want to remember, the ones that stick to your memory, or at least should stick to your memory, are the good ones. The events you experience during your time on Earth that make you feel good. The things that make you smile. Remember the people that care for you. These are all things that you can find in your Life. However, most people seem to remember mostly the bad experiences during their short time they are amongst the living. Why is this I wonder? Personally, I think that we remember the things that hurt us because we do not want to experience them again. Unlike the good things that we feel, we want them to happen to us, so we tend to think less of them. Again, we tend to think more about the bad things so we can train ourselves on how to handle them if they ever happen to us again. We think about these events and we try to find ways to better deal with them. While we do these things, we forget about the good times, we let these memories fade.

Now, if I could give you an image on what Life feels like, I would explain it to you in this way. My image of Life is that of a boxing match. This battle, however, does not end in a fifteen rounds of three minutes each. This fight is one that lasts years upon years. You might be asking why I see it as a boxing match. Here's what I will explain. When a boxer is fighting, he doesn't want to get knocked down; it's just not something you want to happen. Because of this, these fighters train themselves so that they won't be knocked down. Would you not agree that being knocked down is like a bad experience in Life? A boxer that gets knocked down will remember it. A person that experiences something that hurts them will have to surmount this with his will, he's strength. Don't you think that it's similar to a boxer that goes down? They need to feed on their fighting spirit to be able t get up. They don't want to stay down. They always try as much as they can to get up. The stronger the fight spirit, the less time he will stay on the ground. However, there comes a time when the boxer will just let himself stay down. After this happens, the fighter will train himself more so it doesn't happen again. Like a hurtful experience, a person will sometimes not be able to get back up, but with time, the person learns how to go on and get back on track. If I image it like a boxing match, then there has to be an adversary. I see Life itself as the adversary.

Experiences, good or bad, are what Life is. No matter the experience. Memories are what are important in it. We tend to remember the bad ones, but we have to keep in mind that the good ones are what keep us going. I once heard a saying that went like so: It's not the destination that is important, but the journey that leads us to this destination. I think that the person was right in a lot of ways, but it is also true that a good destination is always welcome instead of a bad one. The destination is what will influence the next journey. In my eyes, we are all fighters struggling against the adversary that is Life. If we fall down, we have to get back up; we have to use the most of our fighting spirits. And if we can't get up, it does not mean that we have to quit. We have to train ourselves so that we can surmount it, and try and not fall down from that same blow a second time.

And now I ask you, how would you explain Life to me? How would you image it?

Why is it that some people that have a psychopathic mind become killers? I guess it's just a minority of these people that do this. I think it's because they don't have a strong enough will. Weird though.

Some of these are incomplete.

As I walk this road called life
A storm is forming in my head
Everything in my head is in strife
All this pain inside, many tears I shed

I look back at all I have done
I Then look straight ahead and start to run
I want to reach a point where I can be at ease
I cannot find it, now save me please

The storm in my head goes on furiously
I see the confusion of my life in images
I try to escape as I tear them up relentlessly

I see my loved ones turn their backs at me
I try to run to them because their faces I must see
I understand that this mean that alone I must be
But this I have to do for my soul to be set free

And as I lay there and let my life pass me by
No longer of sadness but of joy I cry
--------------------------------------
-------

Every day I try so hard
Every day I try playing a new card
Every day you turn me down
Every day I feel like a clown

When will it be
When will you be with me

Each day I feel farther away
Each day I feel like I'm going astray
Each day I feel like loosing my mind
Each day I feel like I'm falling behind

Do you want me to disappear?
If so I will, for you my dear...
--------------------------------------
-------

Every day I wake up to a world of emptiness
Every day is a world void of happiness
Darkness covers my weakened soul
It is fragmented, it is but a small piece of a damaged whole

My soul is the reflection of my broken heart
Many times have I tried to begin a new start
Every time it starts to heal
Every time these feelings feel so real
Until it is again shattered into pieces
Until again my pain increases.
--------------------------------------
----------

The brighter the light, the darker the shadow
Good will be seen, but then evil will follow
You may hide in your dreams
Then you will wake up full of screams
You may think all is well
But you never know where evil might dwell
--------------------------------------
------------

Don't look behind when you have a future so bright
Forget about the past, do now what is right
Don't forget the memories, but don't let them control you
They will give you the experience and show you what to do

So take the right path, make the right choice
And later you will see that of much you will rejoice
--------------------------------------
-----

The feelings I have for you are noble and true
How can you trust me, tell me, what can I do?
Let me win your trust, give me a space in your heart
I feel close to you, but somehow we're also worlds apart
Let me get closer, let me through this invisible wall
Step by step let me get closer, step by step, even if small
I want to hold your hand, touch your hair, kiss your lips
...
-----------------------------------

I gaze at the stars; I gaze up at the sky so dark
The beautiful lights can only remind me of your striking eyes
These eyes that make inside my heart something more than a spark
This feeling I get this feeling that makes me want to reach up to the skies

This feeling I get whenever you are near
Hold your hand, touch your hair call you "my dear "
All these things that run through my head
Many things I know I should say and should have said

I close my eyes, I hope and I pray
That you will let me in your heart... I can but wait for that day
--------------------------------------
--------

Nothing I say will ever make things right
I've been saying that I'm sorry I've been meaning it since that night
I wish I could go back and change the path I chose
Sadly it can't be, for that's how this life goes
You've seen me when I'm well and now you see my worst
There's nothing I can do now, I wish you'd only seen the first
I see now that I don't deserve anything that can come from you
Being rejected and hated is all I am really due

Again I must say how sorry I really am
I know I was stupid and so I take whatever you condemn
--------------------------------------
---------------------

I ask little of people, I ask only of them a little honesty
I ask this because it is something that is very much important
I will always give this honesty when I discuss with you
For this is something that will always keep relations strong

Tell me why must there be between us dishonesty?
Tell me; is this something for you so unimportant?
Tell me why between me and you, this you do?
Please tell me what I have done that is so wrong...?
--------------------------------------
------------------------------

No longer will I be the nice person from before
I will stop being the one that is always nice
No longer will I take everything and all ignore
Why keep all inside when all I can release?

No, I won't be the one to be stepped on
I'm through with being the one and only pawn
It's time to collect on all those debts
It's time I acted without regrets!

It's funny how I've been let down all this time
Always been the one that has stayed out of crime
Well now it's time to act the way all society flows
I'm done taking hits, now I'll be giving the blows!
--------------------------------------
-------------

Forget the word Hope, and learn of Despair
Impossible to resist for this is too much for me to bear
Stop all feelings of love and gain nothing but hate
Try as much as I may, there's nothing for me but to wait

No more will I be the nice naive guy
It is impossible for that part must die
All this will have me inside reborn
And for the past life no one will mourn
--------------------------------------
---------

Thread by thread your web was spun
Once it started it couldn't be undone
Finally complete and a new victim showed
And then it got stuck like a pole in the road

Enchanted was your victim by your fake charm
Never knowing of the soon to come harm

You spun your web and I immediately got stuck
Your delightful enchantment made it seem like luck
Now I know there was no luck for me
Now all I want is from your web to be free...
--------------------------------------
---------

Many want what you have from birth
Many will fight for it, DIE for this
For they can see what it is really worth
Unlike us who

So I've made it one of my life goals to see all four of the Big Four of Thrash Metal. Well some of you might not know who these bands are, so I'll name them for you. We have Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, and Megadeth. These four bands are the ones responsible for making the Thrash Metal genre. With their fast guitar playing and fast drumming, it's a head bangers heavenly music.

Up until now, I've been graced with seeing two of these magnificent bands. Slayer and Megadeth. Although Metallica did come to Montreal a couple of years ago, I didn't go see them because I wasn't a concert junky back then. However, once I started going to concerts and started listening to Thrash, I couldn't forgive myself for not going to the concert. This being said, I didn't miss my chances to see Megadeth and Slayer when they came to Montreal.

This coming June, I will be yet again blessed with seeing one more of the Big Four, Anthrax. If I'm not mistaken, they hadn't toured in a while, so I'm very lucky that these guys are coming to the new festival that will be held in Montreal called Heavy MTL. This festival is dedicated to Metal. It will host many great bands like Iron Maide, 3 Inches Of Blood, and many, many more!

So, I hope to see many of you during this great weekend of June.

Metal is forever! \m/

So I receive a pay from work when I haven't been working in a long time because of school. I then receive a paper that can give me Employment Insurance. Then I get ignored by the guy that gives hours. So I call to see what's up.

What happens when I call? I'm told that I no longer work for the company. So now I'm jobless and I have to find a new job because I'm starting to run low on money....

Well, time to go look for a job... a real job... :(